By Krystal Lambert

“Slut-shaming is the practice of criticizing people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality. The term is used to reclaim the word slut and empower women and girls to have agency over their own sexuality.” -Wikipedia

“I’m not like other girls, I’ve never even heard of sex.”

I was once good friends with a girl who would have somewhat frequent casual sex, and lie about it to everyone. I was her roommate for a brief spell so I knew she was lying, even to me, and at the time I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. She would frequently slut-shame other women, pointing out that she was superior because she was “not that kind of girl.” She would tell guys she had only just met that she hadn’t had sex in five years, despite her most recent relationship having been only a few months prior. I pretended not to notice these things as I understood on some level she was telling herself a lie she desperately needed to believe. That despite most men being absolute shitheads to her and every woman she knew, she wanted to seem virtuous and valuable and worthy of love if she portrayed herself to be pure and modest above other women. Maybe this time she would rope in a “good guy” by claiming to be a “good girl,” when in reality there is no such thing. Human beings are complex individuals and there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” person.

I became very frustrated with her at the time, as I knew she was being hypocritical and putting herself on some pedestal above her peers, but looking back I can’t really blame her. Society has forced women into this box of puritanical bullshit since forever, and she was merely adhering to the rules. Or at least, claiming to.

The truth is the vast majority of women love and enjoy sex, want sex, and don’t really need emotional attachment to have it. Sound familiar? Yes, you read me right. Just like men, women can have casual sex and enjoy it, and that has zero to do with their worth as a woman. The main barrier preventing most women from doing so on a regular basis is the fear of being called a slut, and subsequently labeled “not girlfriend material.” At the root of this fear is a deep desire for true love and romance “by all those fairy tales that drugged us” to quote the king of lyrical poetry Conor Oberst. Entering a serious committed relationship with someone just because you want “ethical” sex is a very bad idea. Just have the sex. Trust me.

Mark my words, and write them down if need be, anyone who truly loves you will love you exactly as you are. Pretending to be anything but yourself will only land you in a heap of delusional heartache. Anyone who judges you from your sexual history is a boring wet sock and most definitely a hypocrite. This constant hounding from men for sex and subsequent slut-shaming when we “give it up” has got to stop. Figure out what you want my dudes, because your current methods are counterintuitive to your cause.

“No self-respecting woman would…”

I will admit, there are days I long for the affection of someone who isn’t just hanging around on the off chance I’ll send him a pic of my asshole, but if the only currency with which a woman can purchase respect and love is by pretending to be some pure virginal bride who is terrified of sex, I’m good on that.

A few years ago when I was still working in food service I had an epiphany. After years of listening to my male co-workers brag in great explicit detail about their many conquests, I spoke up about a recent sexual experience I had. In the same bravado tone, I bragged on my own personal “conquest.” I laid the trap, and they immediately took the bait. “You’re always talking about respecting women Krystal, how are we supposed to respect you if you don’t even respect yourself?”

It is BECAUSE I respect myself that I have sex whenever I want, and anything else is a patriarchal lie used to control women. In fact, a woman choosing to ignore and repress her own sexual desire whilst hanging her hopes on a man “earning” her “virtue” is anything but self-respect. It is placing more value on her vagina than her own heart and soul. It is placing a man’s “requirements” above her own basic needs.

And what of the requirements for men? What sexual standards do we force on them? Do we insist that their sexual history or promiscuity is intrinsically tied to their value? No, for the most part we accept them with a “boys will be boys” mentality and just pray they don’t cheat on us. Statistically, they do anyway.

“Herein lies an anatomy lesson infused with feminist politics, because I hate you.” -Dominique Christina, The Period Poem

I hesitate to circulate anymore of this incel garbage than is already clogging up the moral arteries of the human consciousness via the dark web, but as it were, my point is made quite profoundly by the slut-shaming memes of today.

slutmemecrop.jpg

Imagine having the arrogance and complete lack of education in basic female anatomy to think your pencil dick could have any influence on the vagina. The almighty vagina (bless my homeland forever) can push an eight-pound watermelon shaped human being out of it and regain its shape and elasticity in mere months.

And what say you to the woman who’s been married to the same man for 50 years? Because she had one sexual partner her vagina gets a pass, but a 22-year-old who’s had far less sex than old Betty has somehow had her genitals turn to pulp because she’s had a few different sexual partners?? Y’all need to pull your head out of your ass, use common sense, and read several books. Some women have larger and more prominent labia than others. It’s a thing. I’m embarrassed for anyone who doesn’t know this very basic fact about female anatomy.

Another laughable anecdote circulating amongst the gremlins of Reddit is that the female orgasm is a myth. Have you ever heard anyone assert that the male orgasm is a myth? The preposterous suggestion that women can’t have orgasms only proves to be a giant self-burn on the man asserting it. Sounds like you just suck at sex, Brad.

As someone who has had countless orgasms on a regular basis since I discovered my clitoris circa 1997, the concept that any man thinks the female orgasm is a figment of our imagination is not only absurd but dangerous. As women experiencing pleasure during sex is such a threat to patriarchy and masculinity that 12-year-old girls still have their clitoris cut off without anesthesia in some countries, it’s pretty clear why men don’t want to believe women can cum.

If women gain sexual agency and freedom men can no longer force them into being their own personal sex slaves via marriage or “monogamy.” This is where we find the crux of the matter. When women wake up to the reality that their bodies are for their own pleasure, and not that of a man’s, how will they control us any longer?

So, before you call a woman a slut, ask yourself a few questions. Who invented the sex trafficking industry and who is it run by to this day? Men. Who invented the multi-billion dollar porn industry which greatly profits off the exploitation of underage women? Men. Who literally invented a website for men to “discreetly” cheat on their wives? (AshleyMadison.com) Spoiler alert its always fucking men.

When women choose to profit off the fact that their own bodies are treated as a commodity, ask yourselves “Why?” rather than calling writing them off as whores. If we are going to be treated like sexual objects, we might as well make the best of it. If we are going to be constantly begged for nudes, we might as well charge for them.

I refer to myself as a slut in a reclamatory way, but the truth is I spend most of my time fending off advances from men rather than seeking them out. I say “no” far more than I say “yes.” When I say yes, I still feel a tinge if guilt. It’s pre-programmed in us as women to low-key hate ourselves for wanting sex. I’m hoping that changes someday soon.

Either everyone is a slut, or no one is. Repressed sexuality does only harm, to ourselves and to others. Shaming another human being for answering the call of their very natural and human urges (in regards to consensual sex) is simply ignorant. A major step in equality for all is sexual equity for all. May we all fuck in peace.

 

2 Comments

  1. Krystal Lambert is the worst person to take advice from. It’s the principal of it… Her actions do not reflect her “beliefs”, nor the beliefs of this website. If this website chooses to continue to publish the opinions of hipocrites i will make a point to shut it down.

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