Alone, Not Lonely

By Jamie Lindsey

Within the last few weeks, I found the perfect house for me and my dogs. While handing over the deposit, I couldn’t help but feel so happy for myself. This is the house I have been needing. It has a big fenced-in yard that is perfect for my pups to run around! The only downside was that I knew I was going to have to move my entire house by myself. But I knew I could do it. By myself.

A lot of people don’t understand the benefits of being alone. Some see it as depressing or sad. I actually even had a “friend” tell me that I should thank him when he invites me out because it’s better than me sitting at home being alone and miserable. Ummm, what? My first response was, “Who said I was alone and miserable when I’m at home? I genuinely enjoy being alone and am quite the opposite of miserable.”

I couldn’t believe it. So I’m here to end the stigma that people who are “alone” are miserable. It’s simply not true.

Being alone and doing things alone is actually really empowering for me. I understand this doesn’t and can’t apply to everyone, but I wanted to share my experiences to show that being alone and doing stuff solo is not always a miserable experience.

At the end of July, I went to Kansas City to see Awolnation and Portugal. The Man in concert. Who did I go with? Myself, of course! It was so much fun. I drank some beer, sat back in the sun, and just enjoyed the music all day and night. I wasn’t focused on holding conversation, impressing people, or trying to look cool to the big crowds. I didn’t worry about what stage to go to, who was watching me dance, or comparing concerts with others. I literally just did what I wanted. I drank, I danced, I jammed. It was awesome. I was so in the moment that I did not even worry that I was by myself. I sat back, listened to the bands I came to see, and really enjoyed the music. Which isn’t that what you are supposed to do at a concert? Don’t miss out on your favorite bands because you have no one to go with you. Go anyway!

Like I was going to miss this??

Another example is this moving situation. A house suddenly came available on Facebook and I had to snatch it up ASAP. It had an extra bedroom and like I said, a big fenced-in yard for my dogs, who have never had a fenced-in yard. It wasn’t much more expensive than what I was paying for a janky looking one-bedroom in Webb City. So I filled out the application and within three days was notified that I got it! So I started packing and moving my stuff over. By myself. I didn’t use a U-haul, I didn’t use a truck. Just packed the boxes I could in my Kia Soul. Which, btw, has a lot more room than most people think. It took me about five days of moving stuff by myself until I was done.  

It doesn’t bother me that I had to move alone. It was actually very empowering. In my mind, I was thinking, “I got this. I don’t need help. I can do this myself.” And I did. Not only did I get a great workout, but I realized that even a big event like moving houses can still be done by yourself. You don’t HAVE to have someone there helping you all the time.

I think what I mostly get out of doing things by myself, is the empowerment that comes from not NEEDING someone. I can make myself happy. I am enough. I don’t need someone to go out to eat. I don’t need someone with me to go see a movie. I don’t need someone to go get a drink or go to a concert. It doesn’t mean it’s not fun when I am with someone, but I can have fun without others. In trying to find myself after ending a seven year relationship, it is a big lesson I have learned. Being forced to be alone after being with someone for so long is really difficult, and a lot of people don’t recover. I had to change how I thought about my life. Did I want to lose myself in a breakup? Or did I want to find myself? For so long I told myself, “I don’t want to do this because I’ll be by myself.” I have learned that your happiness doesn’t depend on who you are around, but rather your attitude. There are ways to cope with being alone and even embrace it. It’s all about being gracious that you have your freedom and independence in the daily choices you make.

I love the independent person I have become.

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