By Kay Tear
They say players gotta play. I say, players gotta get laid and will stop at nothing until they do.
I’m sure a lot of readers have experienced what it is like to use dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or Plenty of (creepy) Fish. It can be really exciting to meet people this way, but it can also suck out your soul and create heaps of anxiety. This is my incredibly stupid story of how I got played, really hard, why it still hurts, and why I still blame myself.
Let’s rewind a bit. A couple months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend for a few different reasons. I met him on Tinder, and we dated for six months before I decided to end the relationship. Another failed relationship.
After about a month, I decide to finally download the dreadful dating apps again and try to start over. At first when you start using the apps, you get a lot of matches and start a lot of conversations with people. Most conversations don’t usually amount to anything but are more of a way to waste away your weeknights talking to strangers about “what you’re looking for” or “what do you like to do for fun?” Personally, I wasn’t looking to settle down just yet. Would I resist it if it happened? Probably not. But I wasn’t wanting to jump into anything with anyone again. I was honestly just looking to date around and find someone to spend time with.
Then I met Jake* who was very handsome and seemed interested in me. We exchanged numbers and began texting right away.
Within a few hours, I began to connect with Jake. He sent the sweetest text messages and made me feel really special and wanted (players gotta play). He told me how he wanted a serious relationship and to settle down, I told him I only wanted to with the right person. I sent him cute pictures of me (appropriate ones, of course!) and he told me how gorgeous I was and how he wanted to be mine.
Swoon, am I right?
The first time we met in person was at the park. I know it’s sketchy and automatically sends out red flags, but our hours at both of our jobs conflicted and there was literally an hour in between our jobs in the evening. We made out. Big deal. Like many stories I’ve read and heard, girls always fall for the guys that have that sweet talk and give you the attention you want, you know? I mean, I’m not crazy in thinking this guy actually liked me after all the times he called me ‘queen’ and ‘baby’ and ‘gorgeous,’ right? He would ask me to be his. We talked about what we wanted in our lives like marriage or kids. Normal things that people who like each other talk about before getting in a relationship.
It all happened so fast. He came over after work on the weekend, we slept together. He slept during the day (his work schedule). I wrote during the day. He got up, sex again. He leaves for work, way earlier than he had to.
It was at this point I started to get paranoid. I already felt so played. I just knew it from the beginning that this was going to happen. I had a feeling, but my emotions overcame my logic, and I caved. WHY? I invited him over the next day and only got a “I’m at work babe” text back. It was too good to be true. He was too sweet. He was too passionate. He was too much of everything, hitting you all at once. Did I really think I had some kind of future with this guy? Possibly. Being anxiety ridden, I am flooded with every emotion imaginable. He wasn’t coming over. He didn’t want anything with me. He played me hard. Text message after text message of sweet talk days earlier to absolutely nothing. Did I text him a bunch that night while he was at work? Not really. I sent like three text messages before I got a response, one of them telling him to have a good night at work. I couldn’t honestly think that someone who wanted “to be mine” would be so upset about a few text messages. Apparently, he was. Was I stupid to fall for it? Yes. I was. I know that now. No comments need to be made about how stupid my decisions were. I already told myself all the things that trolls would tell me.
He blocks me on Facebook in the middle of the night. I wake up at 3 a.m. and can’t sleep, scrolling through my phone when I try to go to his page and to my shock, it didn’t load. I felt the hollow feeling that most people feel when they get their feelings fucked with. I cried. Hard. All morning. Not even for the fact that I maybe thought I could have a future with Jake, but because I believed that he really thought I was beautiful and that I was a queen. I really thought he wanted to start something deep and meaningful. That’s exactly why I blame myself. I was a fool and I allowed myself to manipulated, again.
I almost swore off dating sites. Having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night because of some jackass that just wanted a bang almost made me want to go isolate. You know, dig a hole and stay the fuck down there for eternity. I just felt incredibly stupid that me, a strong independent woman, would let another man manipulate me. It left a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to dating, and now I am even more hesitant to let people into my life. Do we now see how someone’s actions can have a lasting impact on someone else’s life?
This experience has now made me pay way more attention when swimming in the murky waters of the dating pool. Players gotta play.
*Names have been changed in this story
BLK CLD by XYLO